Questions, Comments, Fear and Frustration....

Yesterday, Today , Tomorrow.... Each day brings new questions, comments, fears and frustrations. Wednesday, Zack was so eager to work with Frank. He woke up feeling well, in spite of having his treatment on Tuesday. He and Frank headed up to Toxaway to work on a project. Zack was so frustrated as half way through the day, his energy became depleted. Since the trip home was over an hour long , He ended up sleeping in the truck for the rest of the afternoon. Once they returned home, Zack came by the office for an adjustment. His back has been hurting him and he knew this would take care of that problem without having to take even more pills. He has come to a point in the treatment that he hates taking anything! He still is on the antibiotics for the infection in his leg and has to continue with the daily shot to prevent blood clots, so he gets angry. 

As I lay in bed last night, I read about other Ewings patients who have a recurrence of cancer. My fears set in and then I remind myself that each case is individual and if I allow myself to "go to that place", I could drive myself crazy. I must maintain a positive thinking pattern and know that whatever happens, this is curable and treatable!!! While in my thought process, the telephone rings. I have to laugh, because it is Zack calling from his bedroom. I had turned off my cell phone so he couldn't text me. (Those with children understand the new form of communication between rooms.. smile) Our house is a modest 1700 square feet, so he could have easily yelled for me. He said he was freezing and could I bring him a couple of blankets. This was odd, as he is rarely cold. When I brought him two blankets, he already had three comforters over him. He kept saying he couldn't  get warm. As it turns out, he had a low grade fever. We have been advised that should it reach 100 we should bring him to the Hospital (or Cancer Center if they are open). Luckily, it didn't go any higher and this morning it was back down to his normal temperature.

Today Frank decided to give Zack small errands. Zack was thrilled, he was helping out and felt like he was at least contributing. He was given some Euros for Christmas from our friends in Belgium and Louis bought them when He, Celia and Mom had lunch together yesterday. The minute Zack found out the money had been exchanged, he asked if he could take my car (less gas usage) and go to Meme's house. It turns out that he had a great visit. He and Donald went to Hendersonville and had lunch with Mom. Nancy had told me previously how good he looked and Mom confirmed as well, which always makes me feel better. We see him so often, it's hard at times to see a difference.

The office was interesting today. A couple of  times someone would ask how Zack was and I found myself feeling sad. Especially when they would tell me that I MUST be feeling bad and not to forget to feel. I responded with, "I don't have time to feel, I'm on auto pilot and will feel when it's all over." At one point a musician came in with a handful of CD's. He said he was selling them as part of a fund raiser for Susan G Komen foundation and that he plays at the "pink ball" every year. I told him about Zack and asked if he ever helps with a children's cancer fundraiser. He said "I donate to St. Judes!" I said, well, when you sell your CD's to benefit children's cancer, then maybe I'll buy one. I explained that I have lost friends and family to breast cancer and take it seriously, but I think that it is getting plenty of attention and maybe it's time that we pay a little more attention to children! He quietly left the office never to be seen again. A part of me felt bad, but then again I realize it is up to us to be the voices for these kids. 

Tomorrow we go for possible transfusions. Donald asked if he could go with us again. He has been such a great support to Zack and they have so much fun together, how could I say no? Next week will be our Hospital week and with only one more after this and the rest of his treatment as out patient, we are coming into the home stretch.