... Emotions are all over the place. I laugh, I cry, I get angry and throw things, then I am back to feeling "in control". I wake up and all I want to do is go back to sleep and wake up a couple of days from now. Yesterday took any strength I had left for the week. I "thought" it would be routine, I "thought" no big deal, we go, we get blood and we come home. The reality hits me over and over again. Logically I think about a year from now when all the treatments are completed and we go every six months or so for checkups. But it's hard to be logical in the midst of all of this.
My sons friends are busy living their lives. The week days are hard, they are in school and he is stuck at home, in the clinic or at the hospital. Tonight being Friday is a busy night for his friends. He doesn't hear from them. He starts to get angry, not at his friends, they are doing what they "should be doing, what I would be doing" he tells us. He is angry because he can't be out there with his friends at a football game or the State Fair. We drive by the State Fair site every time we go for treatment, looking sad he stares as the rides are being set up and says "I can't go and I really want to go this year". It may not be that he WANTS to go as much as he CAN'T. Short of putting on a suit of armor he simply can't take the risk. As a Senior the "pressure" to have an amazing year is a tradition. The first thing out of anyone's mouth is "wow, he's a Senior, this is such an important year". We try to get him to re focus on upcoming events he can participate in and remind him of his Hunting trip on Monday. We can't take the pain or frustration away and as a parent that is torture.
His color is coming back today, as is his energy. He has started to walk with Frank daily in order to get in better shape. He noticed that he gets winded sooner than before and decided to do something about it. We had a meeting with one of his teachers. Mrs. McCall came to the house and went over everything involving her class (personal finance) with Zack. He now understands how to use the various websites at his disposal to make homebound easier. I also discovered a new android app called myhomework. I installed it on my phone as did Zack on his, we also signed up for the website, so now he has a list of all his work and their due dates, once completed he marks it and both phones and website are synced. That way I know what he is doing and when it is finished (or not). It is the fourth week of school and I am finding out that it has taken the entire school awhile to get used to the new computer system, so he is not as far behind as I originally thought.
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| Our "other" child Sidi |
Tomorrow is fun day with Mom and Bob. I have been to the clinic, to work, sending out billing , paying bills, arranging homework, sending emails, making phone calls, arranging doctors appointments, cleaning house, doing laundry.... Super Woman wants the day off! (Ego much?). I am going to go an hang out with them, make a trip to Sams to get stuff for office and home, and maybe even get in a few thrift stores. Anytime I hang out with them is a good time. Everyone needs their Mamma every now and then. Zack will be doing his thing, preparing for the hunting day, school work and chores. Frank hopefully will go fishing after he takes Sidi to the groomer. Sunday will be chill time at home, maybe even a good movie with the family.
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